My back hurts…

 

Actually, it’s my side.  I tried a patient lift, but it didn’t work with Lynn’s wheelchair.  I know the one that I would like to get–it’s a modified version of what we used in the hospital–but it’s over $3000 because it’s not provided by our insurance company.  So I lift Lynn myself.  He now weighs 215 lbs.  That’s a lot to lift.  I’m no small person either. I weigh about 180 lbs, which is probably part of the problem.  If I were in shape and lost about 50 lbs., I would have more energy and more flexibility, however; as my doctor explained, losing weight is difficult when you’re under a lot of stress.  My body thinks it needs to store fat so that I’ll have the necessary energy to fight off what’s causing the stress.


I also admit I have no will power right now.  To think about counting calories or watching portions is just more than I can face.  I eat to keep up the energy, and I grab what’s easy.  I try to keep sweets out of the house, but I snack on nuts and bars and whatever I can find that I can eat while I work. I’ve looked at weight loss ads, but I’m afraid of that plus I have a lot of sensitivities to foods of it’s just too much to think about right now.


I know I also need to exercise.  I sometimes get in a few  minutes of stretching to help my muscle spasms but to even carve out 30 minutes means either reducing sleep time or work time and if I reduce work time, I have to take vacation time and I need to store that up in case he gets sick and goes into the hospital again. What a roller coaster!


I worry though about these spasms I’m having so often from lifting.  I know one day I’ll probably pull something that won’t go back and then what will we do?  I’ll have no one to take care of either of us. Then what?  I have long-term care insurance to cover me, but Lynn already had MS when I had the opportunity to get it, so he wasn’t qualified.  Just one more thing to leave in God’s hands because I can’t worry about it right now.


For now, it’s 11:00 p.m.  I finished working at 10:30 and put a pre-made meal from a friend in the oven for dinner.  Thank the good Lord (and Amelia) for those meals.  I don’t know what I would do without them.  I’ve had some Advil and Lynn’s in his powerchair attached to his peddler for the night. Think I’ll go have something to eat…